Apropos of nothing

As a cops and government reporter, I read through dozens of pages of police reports on a daily basis. Believe me when I tell you that they're a treasure trove of tomfoolery and tragedy.

The relatively mundane items I've already perused this morning, include a stray pit bull that killed a beagle tied up to a tree in its backyard and a woman with a broken foot who wheeled herself into the bathroom to punch her boyfriend in the shower.

But I thought I'd share this line from a particularly crazy crime scene. The sheriff's deputy was writing this particularly aggrieved woman a misdemeanor citation for battery when she offered that:

"You must have seen my daughter's fake titties. That's why you're doing this."

I was looking for some file photos to see if the woman had a legitimate complaint but, alas, I turned up nothing.